What’s in a Name?

I was privileged this last weekend to spend some time looking after the
young sons of the brother of my wife-to-be.

An Armenian family, the two nippers are named Levon and Sevan.

Easy to remember. Both their sons have names that read backwards as real
words.

And their parents never knew?

What sort of parents are they, anyway?

Surely the first thing any loving parent does is play with the names, place
them alongside the surname, etc. Surely.

My sister named her child Alik. Smart Alik. OK, but did she consider what
rhyming names might prove a distraction in the school playground.

Here is my guide to naming your child:

1 Check for anagrams.

If your name is Melissa, think again. Aimless (anag) might drift through
life.

2 Rhymes. Phallic Alik is a no-no.

3 Initials:

Your surname is McDonald? Barney Umberto is not the name for you.

4 And try Googling Tom Mato on Facebook. He exists. Or the similarly fruity
Amanda Rinn. Think, parents, think! My dad had a client with the surname
Conquest. Why oh why oh why did his parents opt for Norman?

If I have saved one child from the humiliation of a scarred life, then this
blog has been worthwhile.

All the best,

John (Paul)

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7 responses to “What’s in a Name?

  1. I went to high school with a boy named Heath Cliff. I went to university with Robyn Graves, Mary Oldham Englund, and my favorite – an unfortunate whose mother had been reading Hamlet while pregnant, and so named her baby Ophelia. Unfortunately, the surname was Self…

  2. I can’t wait to tell this to Tess Diggle!

  3. I did once know a Hugh Tugwell. Strangely he was quite a nice bloke and not a consummate w**k*r

  4. I could never understand whar caused the Socketts to name their daughter Eve. Each time I saw her when I worked in her school I pictured a grinning skull!

  5. These are brilliant, thanks!

  6. I used to tutor a lad called William Mycock. I had assumed it was just someone mucking about on the sign-up form, but no, he exists.

  7. I once heard of a (Nottinghamshire) baby named Lee Harvey Allsop. When the JFK connection was pointed out, the parents shrugged and said they had never heard of the (alleged) assassin.

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