Queer Fish

Dots of sand in a bath-tub of aquamarine, sugar-coated in submerged ink-blot
bombs and chanterelles of coral. The Maldives.

Just married. Off on honeymoon. Plenty of time together. Everything is
glorious. Not a chink of distance between us. That is, until we get too much
time to just sunbathe and natter.

T: Know any good jokes?
J: Hmmm, what’s yellow and dangerous?
T: I don’t know, what’s yellow and dangerous?
J: Shark-infested custard.
T: Pause
T: Pause
T: Pause
T: Why would sharks be found in custard?

My heart sinks. What a question to ask! Doesn’t she get it? Doesn’t she get
ME? Is this the beginning of the end?

J: They aren’t found in custard. That’s why it’s funny.
T: Pretty unlikely, though. But condensed milk might be possible?

Phew, I am relieved. We are similar after all.

I do like to pen a puzzle on the subject of visited destinations. Northern
Ireland and New York provided recent themes. So what might one write about
The Maldives? That solvers will know. After all, a friend did recently
published a ‘General Knowledge’ puzzle based on the rivers of Siberia. Git.

Fishes of The Maldives: ‘Stronger bony leg’ is an anagram of the ‘Bluntnose
Gregory’. ‘Fascism held kids’ works out as ‘Dick’s damselfish’.

I think I’ve had far too much sun. Home to (from what I’ve heard on the
news) a temporarily blighted Blighty.

Solvers generally dislike obscurities. And rightly so. Haddock and chips for
me tonight.

Best wishes,

Mr John Halpern (now married), aka Paul


4 responses to “Queer Fish

  1. Any chance of a link to the Northern Ireland puzzle? (Or publication and number, etc.) I think I must have missed that one.

    • Hi! Really can’t remember, but I went in January this year, so I’m guessing it was published in March? Not one of my best though.

      All the best,


  2. John Worroll (aka trigman)

    Given the subject of your joke and the dreadful news from the Seychelles (are they anywhere near the Maldives?), I’m very pleased to see you are back home eating haddock. Thanks for all your great crosswords – you are a much better setter than I am a solver

    • Thank you John! Funnily enough, I knew nothing of the shark attack when penning this blog – or I probably wouldn’t have written it. Many thanks also for the support. All the best,


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