Interior decorating

My wife and I are about to embark on a spot of what I have lovingly dubbed ‘inferior defaecation’.

Or rather, my wife is. It inspires her. It inspires me not.

Parts of our minds are muscled up by years of treadmill training. I have learned to write passable puzzles, exercising the compilation muscle. Others learn to garden, to chef, to architect, or the art of dentistification. I applaud them all.

Others still have learnt to inferiorly defaecate. I believe there are such things as pelmets; a discussion on the merits of parquet flooring over carpets leaves me cold; ‘fitting kitchens’ just suggests the word ‘thickens’ to me.

Then there’s wallpaper to consider. And Sundays in the Q at B & Q. And magnolia paint. And flat-packing. Every minute of  inferior defaecation I am only aware of life ebbing away, romance absent, middle-age and mould creeping up like rising damp.

Perhaps I shall grow to love it, as one grows to love that aunt who once locked you in a cupboard for six days, pushing sops of her home-made Victoria sponge under the door morning and night.

I am always open to the possibility.

But I can’t wait for it to be over. I am so lucky to have all I need in life. and my health. Post-Inferior-Defaecation the clouds shall part. All shall be beautiful. I just need to remember that all is beautiful anyway. Today. All is perfect.

Best wishes, – and clues invited for ‘interior decoration’. I do love to hear from you all. Thanks to all who take the time and trouble to say ‘hello’.

John (Paul)





11 responses to “Interior decorating

  1. “Bury me in pitch, scenery needed for feng shui”

  2. Furnishings could be doomed, alas! (8,10)

  3. No start to the season, then Ant said ‘is it me or him?’ to give speech about home improvements. (8, 10)

  4. Doctrinaire rioter with nothing (not one) smashed plasterer ?(8,9)

  5. Interior decoration is unambiguously the following:

    Adornment of one’s inner parts could be an erotic indoor rite (8,10)

  6. Overall process for painting one’s liver? (8,10)

  7. Perhaps Humbert’s MBE for building design (8,10)

  8. What’s essential to home? (8,10)

  9. Bumpy ride in Cortina to Rome, eschewing motorway – that’s a lifestyle choice ! (8,10)

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