So I am sitting in a deckchair inside the half-built Wembley Stadium, in Geneva, with two hazelnut whirls atop my bare knees, carolling ‘Chocolate, chocolate, you can make cakes from it; chocolate, chocolate, might this make you vomit?’ – when I wake.
And yesterday, during my early morning constitution, I spent a worryingly long time considering whether or not someone out there had been christened Lou Paper, and if so, what life was like for the poor soul.
I have a cold. Maybe that’s it.
Or could it just be that I’m a crossword setter, and this is the sort of thinking crossword setters do. Is there anyone else out there like this? Thankfully I only have my own head in which to meander. And numbering one head, that’s odd enough.
But I seem to have found a (fairly) normal wife, so I must be doing something right. And speaking of right… I recently undertook an online test to ascertain which part of my brain is more active. Apparently I am 62% left-hemisphere dominant. But surely that could only mean one thing – that I am a ‘reasoning’ and ‘reasonable’ man.
But if I have these (some might say) alarming thoughts and images in my noddle, and if I’m reasonable, then… what sort of animal might I be sitting next to on the Tube?
For the sake of my sanity, I have it like this:
Chocolate poetry: NORMAL
Lou Paper thinking: NORMAL
New-build box-dwelling suburbic sudoku-loving amateur dramatics aficionado accountancy gym bunnies: ABNORMAL
So, back to my own reality. This afternoon I attended a children’s birthday party, and sought solace from the mayhem in the host’s kitchen. I encountered a fellow setter ( a jelly) – geddit ? Jellies set? 🙂 – upon the kitchen table. I found myself talking to it, confiding in the strawberry confection. I was not feeling well.
He replied… – dear readers, I should point out that of course all jellies are of the male gender – ‘actually, I’m feeling a bit wobbly myself’.